Welcome to the return of Ask Blogger Dad, an advice column I originally started over at Dad-O-Matic almost a year ago and then decided I’d rather inflict it upon you, my regular readers.
Since I’ve been off for a while, I don’t have any new questions to respond to, so I figured I’d respond to other advice columnists’ questions. Because let’s face it, I give way better advice than the “experts.”
Up first, a young woman wrote into Miss Manners recently. I’m going to paraphrase the original article , so I don’t face the wrath of the Miss Manners legal team, which I’ll bet are not nearly concerned with manners as she is.
Dear Miss Manners,
There is this young man I recently met who wants to go out with me. The problem is, I’m not interested in him at all. However, he doesn’t seem to be getting the hints. I just want him to leave me alone. Should I be forward and direct or tell some white lie to dissuade him? How should a lady properly handle this?
-Not Interested
Miss Manners said she normally avoids telling women to be frank with declarations of distaste as it can descend into insults. However, if the guy isn’t getting the hints, or is ignoring them, she should be direct about her disinterest without giving reasons.
While, I’m sure that might have worked in Miss Manners’ perfect world, it’s not how the real world works. Here’s how I would answer the question.
Dear Not Interested,
As most women know, the harder you are “to get”, the more a guy will want to be with you. There is some part of the male brain (yes ladies the male brain does exist; it is not a myth) which conditions us to always want what we can’t have. It’s probably left over from the hunter/gatherer phase of evolution, where men were in charge of hunting dinosaurs and gathering saber tooth tigers to use to punch their time cards.
In short, the more a man can’t have an item, the more the man will want that item. It doesn’t matter if it’s a “rare” baseball card, a woman, or a box of rusty hypodermic needles. You tell a guy that he can’t have it, or worse, some other guy might get it first, HE WILL WANT IT.
So, the secret to getting a guy “not” to want you is fairly simple. Here is my four phase plan to get any guy to leave you alone.
Step One: Act like you want him.
Not just like him, but you LOVE him. Shower him with attention. Call him every day, or better, every 20 minutes. Ask him about his day and make sure you tell him every detail about yours. Don’t leave ANY bit of minutia out. If you were considering having a light vinaigrette dressing on your salad, but instead decided to indulge and go with the Ranch, and not the light or No Fat Ranch, but the extra creamy fat-laden buttermilk version, by all means, TELL HIM! And don’t just tell him about your day, but tell him what’s going on with all your relatives, friends, and hell, even people you don’t know!
Step two is to smother him. Make sure he is always nearby. If he has to go out, make sure he is available via cellphone. You should probably get him an emergency cellphone which will only be used for your calls. Make sure you call him often and ask what he’s doing and when he’ll be home. Even if he’s at work and never comes home before 6:30 p.m., there’s no reason you can’t start calling him at 11 a.m. and asking, just in case he decides to come home early. And when he does return home, make sure you ask him about every detail of his day THE MINUTE HE WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR!
Step Three: If he’s not already out the door, make friends with his mom. Find out his mom’s mannerisms and do your best to adopt them for yourself. If you can find a way to nag him using the exact phrases his mom uses, you should have no problems in sending him for the hills.
Step Four: If all else fails, marry him. With a bit of careful planning and sticking to the rules as laid out above, he should be out of your life in a year or two, tops.
-Blogger Dad
Got any questions for me? Leave one in the comments or email me at idrawcomics (at gmail dot com) and you’ll be featured here and in the inevitable books of wisdom I will be asked to write.
Want BloggerDad delivered to your email every time I post? Well, you’re not alone. Join the literally tens of others who have already subscribed for free! Email not your thing? That’s okay, you can also subscribe via RSS – It’s also free.
Content is copyright 2010 BloggerDad.com. If you are reading this on any site other than www.Bloggerdad.com or your personal RSS reader, then you may be reading it on a site which steals content. And would you trust a site like that?
